Once upon a time in a hazy world called wonderland
by Rain141
Summary: This is the truth of the fairy tales that we all love and adore! I got in trouble at school for submiting this as a writting task, aparently Christian school can't handle that Alice was a crack whore! So I got a lecture about how bad drugs are etc..enjoy!


Once a long time ago, in a village far away lived a young brother and sister named Hanna and Gorge

Okay now this is the only writing I've had time to do at the moment and it was for English class. I also got in tons of trouble for it. Apparently Christian schools don't appreciate drug references in fairy tales and calling famous fictitious characters 'crack whores' any way I still got eight out of ten for it. I did plan on expanding the story, but yeah I ran out of time. Anyway enjoy!

M for 'Language'

Once a long time ago, in a village far away lived a young brother and sister named Hanna and Gorge. To the untrained eye they seemed like sweet, and innocent seven year olds. But to those who knew the children for what they were feared for their lives and their dignity.

The children were known for many cruel and horrendous crimes. They tripped anyone carrying breakables, pulled up flowers, lit squirrels on fire, harassed old grannies, and ripped the wings off butterflies.

In short these kids were evil.

So after a long day of pulling up flowers and harassing old ladies, the pair decided to end the day on a high note. So they wondered into the vast forests surrounding their village, in search of squirrels.

After many hours of walking they smelt a sweet, welcoming smell wafting through the trees. Following their noses they came upon an old run-down cottage were the smell was coming from.

The two children snuck closer to the cottage and peered through a window. There inside sat an old lady rocking away in her rocking chair as she sat in front of the glowing flames of her oven.

After a few moments of mind numbing drooling over the smells coming from the oven, their curiosity got the better of them and they sneaked into the cottage slowly moving towards the oven.

Meanwhile two forests away a young girl called Alice was tripping through the forest in more than one way. Yes Alice had a small problem with powder, well one powder at the moment. It was a new drug called 'The White Rabbit'. Alice's sister had let her wonder through the big dark forest were she had met some shady characters known as Big Red and big badass wolf.

The two were suffering from identity theft and a sever case of identity crises, the two had recently been used in a fairy tale called "Little Red Ridding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf". Big Red had been very self conscious of her weight and after hearing about the book became depressed and went looking for her old rival B.B Wolf.

The wolf hadn't been to angered by the story as he was still seen as being a big tough badass wolf, but after reading the end and finding himself dead and humiliated, (he really wasn't a person who took being cut open lightly) decided to talk to the author of the book. She in return had a mountain of fan mail addressed to the wolf.

After the first bag of letters it wasn't looking good, there were letters with proposals, death threats, strange letters of thanks for eating the little girl, and some very strange letters from a few sadists that enjoyed the story. The wolf just shuddered thinking about them.

So after a quick meeting with Big Red the two decided to go into hiding and avoid the public until the book lost popularity. So three years later there they were living in a small cave with seven Chinese immigrants. They called them dwarves because they had never met people who were so short before, and the immigrants didn't mind their new name because they had yet to learn the English language. They were harmless every day the left with shovels and picks, and continued to deepen the hole they were digging, to 'go home' they said. It seemed to be the only thing they could say in English, so the dwarves were digging to China.

To past the time away the wolf and Big Red grew strange plants in the forest, and after an accident with their camp fire they found that the plants had 'special powers'. They allowed people to see a strange new world. The world they called 'Wonderland'. From that day onwards they called it 'The White Rabbit'. Because whenever you enter they strange world of 'Wonderland' there would be a big white rabbit that was always running away from them. They then believed that it was their goal to catch this strange white rabbit, and maybe it would give them some sort of wish or gift.

So spurred on by this they enrolled as many of their old class mates and friends to help them in this quest. Unfortunately there were casualties:

Sleeping Beauty was a little to egger to join in and overdosed, putting herself in a comatose state.

Beauty and Harold, well Beauty had side effect of the drug made her hallucinate so she saw Harold her husband as a very large and hairy 'Beast' unfortunately the nickname stuck with him and he decided on a makeover and shaved off his beard.

Puss in Boots that cat was never the same again, the cat was once an ordinary cat but after his experiences with "The White Rabbit" he became know as the gay cat with a shoe fetish.

The frog prince had once been a normal teenager, but he know say himself as an amphibian.

Rumpelstiltskin didn't do any better, the drug made the wanabe family man sterile so he left in a huff to find another was to steal have children.

A happy old couple tried putting the drug in cookies so it could be more excess able, but the gingerbread man they made got itself high and ran away. He eventual fell into a pond and disintegrated, and there lived a very ugly duckling that had been disowned by his parents at a young age because of how hideous he was.

He drank the water and the hallucigentic began to work. He saw his reflection in the water and saw himself to be a beautiful swan, and began to pursue all the other swans in the pond. They brutally rejected him, and he became depressed and tried to drown himself.

Then there was the case of the emperor that tried the drug before going to a local festival, this caused him to wear what he believed were 'new clothes', when he arrived everyone was shocked to find the emperor in his birthday suit.

But after all the incidents that followed with the use of 'The White Rabbit' Big Red and the wolf decided that it would be best to put a warning sticker on the packets. But being original thinkers, and under the influence at the time, they started with the symbol for death (the skull and crossbones) but after a few rounds with the white rabbit they decided to put the symbol that would always be recognized. The white rabbit. So from that night onwards the packets had printed on them the head of a white rabbit.

Unfortunately their were other problems with the drug, it was found to be addictive and Alice was the first to know. She was known as a crack whore frequent user and often kept up with the rabbit when others stopped. She once told that she had followed him down his rabbit hole and had gone to his house were the things she drank made her change shape, making her big and small. This gave Big Red another reason to catch the rabbit, were as the wolf just believed she'd pulled a break and enter whilst staggering around the forest.

One day Alice had disappeared, they had all believed she'd got lost in the forest, which was partly true. Alice had chased the white rabbit for hours going deeper and deeper into the woods. Suddenly she came to a clearing were a small cottage sat. It looked like it had been abandoned for years, as she watched the white rabbit ran inside the cottage and she pursued hopping to catch the creature. As she entered the dim dark cottage she tripped on a fallen rafter and a loud squeak filled the darkness. Moving around she found some matches and lit the only fire she could find a place to light. The one under the giant oven. After lighting the fire she carefully got up and looked around for the rabbit, that's when she realized three things.

She wasn't the one who had squeaked

She'd caught the white rabbit (in a different way than she'd imagined)

She was quite hungry after all the running she'd done

And lastly there lay the white rabbit dead on the floor.

Well that was four, Alice never was very good with numbers. When she'd tripped on the rafter she had fallen forward, landing on the white rabbit who himself had been dazed by the lack of light and had stopped running. Well there she stood Alice the crack whore frequent user, she had finally caught the White Rabbit of Wonderland.

After a few minutes of basking in glory she noticed her rumbling stomach, the good sized oven behind her, and the fresh rabbit in front of her.

Now Alice had grown up as a country girl and had always been taught the value of fresh meat, regardless to say a few hours later she sat in front of the oven rocking away in a rocking chair as she waited for the rabbit to cook.

This is were she fell asleep only to be woken by the sound of two children sneaking into her new home. Still slightly under the influence the rushed the children screaming and shouting. The children saw her coming and ran, dashing out of the cottage with Alice close behind them they fled into the forest scared for life.

Alice on the other hand had different ideas and as she turned back to the cottage she began to hallucinate again. She saw before her not a simple cottage but a house made of candy and gingerbread. Moving closer to the large candy cane doorway she liked the door frame. Well unfortunately for Alice the house had been built in the time of treated pine and she was consuming arsenic. Many years latter her body was found in the forest by two grown twins whom had be scarred into good behavior years ago by the scary mad woman that had once lived in the forest.

Omake:

The real reason that the wolf and Big Red had moved in to the forest had been because of society not accepting their relationship for what it was. After on count of a teenager calling it beasteality the two promptly left on fear of someone calling the RSPCA.

Fin

Well if anyone has any ideas for the other fairy tale characters tell me cause I would love to write a sequel


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